If you can’t say something nice…

Y’all today has been one of those days that you hear others talk about but never think it will happen to you. 

I had Haydens three year check up today. Yay!  You would think super simple in and out get everything done no problems. I had also set up for Kasalina to be checked out at the same time because I had some concerns on her heart and how tired she seems to be getting lately. 

The doctor came in to examine Hayden and the first thing he says to me is she is fat, and I needed to get her to loose weight and if she didn’t loose some she would have to come in every three months for a weight check. 

I have several problems right here and there’s more to the story. First of all she’s three don’t you dare say in front of her that she is fat. I refuse to have my daughter already having body issues at such a young age. Second of all, she eats very well, she doesn’t eat a lot of junk food and very rarely do I allow her to drink juice. The kid never sits still, its all I can do most days to keep her entertained because she is so active. My heart just started breaking at that point. This world is so focused on body image we are starting to ridicule and police our girls at such young age. We want to put them in this bubble of a strict diet so that they stay skinny and the way society expects a little girl or any girls really to look. I refuse to have my child turn into me as a teenager, barely eating anything throwing up what little she does eat all to maintain a weight that your mother and family thought was “healthy.” I will not put that on my daughters. If he think we have an unhealthy diet because of the way I look than he should maybe get to know his patients. I went through years of infertility treatments that screw with your hormones, on top of having pcos which makes loosing weight extremely hard. Am I proud of how I look no. but I am working hard to change that! 

If you aren’t fired up I have more for you!

As he is berating me on all of this Hayden is trying to put her shoes on. 9 times out of 10 she can get it first try, today she couldn’t, new pair of shoes and boots mixed together just confused her. So I am trying to assist her while letting her do it herself because she is in that stage. I directed her to put the boot on the other foot and when she couldn’t get it on I bent down to assist her and she lifted the wrong foot again. I hear him above me go, its interesting how fast she forgets what foot you told her the shoe goes on. If I could put in eye roll in here I would. Yes she forgot and lifted the wrong foot, but this is the same child who can count to 20, knows her ABC’s. Can recite any song you put on the radio. The same child who has figured out every child lock in my house, so I have had to super glue them together. This child who talked at 18 months, and still to this day talks better and clearer than most four year olds. This child who potty trained herself at 18 months! This child is not a dumb child, she forgot one time in her nervousness which foot. 

After he got through with me on Hayden he asked me what was going on with Kasalina, she is a 33 seeker, she stopped growing at 32 weeks and they took her via csection at 33 weeks. She spent 15 days in Nicu and is in most ways doing awesome. She however has an ASD and it isn’t closing, she will drink two oz of milk and get tired and than 45 minutes later finish the other two oz. She isn’t sitting up on her own yet or crawling, but she is rolling like a champ and talking. I have voiced my concerns to previous doctors at the same office, to which no-one has seemed it was something to listen to me for. Not today, he decided to add on and berate me for these things. He asked why I hadn’t gotten her started in First Steps, which is essentially therapy for babies. He asked why I haven’t gone back to cardiology (because I needed another referral and they didn’t give me one) He than commented that she may be heading towards congestive heart failure. 


Ok how did you come to that conclusion? Are you all of a sudden a cardiologist also? 

Needless to say I walked out of that office, loaded my kids in the car, called my husband and just broke down sobbing. 

Its been 12 hours now and I am still in-between sobbing and anger. How dare this man who just met my children that day be so horrible! How dare he call a three year old fat, how dare he make me feel like I am less than as a mother. I have done everything in my power to give these girls the best I can! I nursed Hayden for 19 months, I don’t give her junk food I play in the mud with her, I teach her to be polite and kind to others. Kasalina I sat with for 15 days in the NICU. 15 days where I couldn’t see the sun, I didn’t know what time of day it was, I MAYBE, MAYBE ate one meal a day because I was TERRIFIED that she would crash when I left the room! I watch her like a hawk and every single time her monitor alarms I don’t sleep after that for fear that it’ll alarm again. 

But in 15 minutes this man who just met us made me feel like I was less than as a mother, that made me question everything I do for them. 

That infuriates me! 

There are so many things in this world that will tell our daughters they aren’t good enough, or skinny enough, or bright enough, or enough in general! Why in the ever-loving heck would you start this problem at the tender age of three!! Why would you start policing them so young. This baffles my mind. Yes she eats chicken nuggets more times than I care to admit, but at least she ate that day! I do as much as I can do to give her healthy options. I know the risks of heart disease and diabetes, and illnesses. I know the risk! Im doing everything I can do to ensure those risks are low! But how she looks and her body image are not your concern! Pull me aside and educate me, her mother. DO NOT call her fat to her face and point to the areas you think are not ok! 

My heart is still breaking for little girls that deal with this. If I was a single mother with no family support I would feel utterly defeated tonight! I still feel utterly defeated but I have a HUGE support system who is just as infuriated with me. 

Mommas YOU ARE your daughters mirror, you have to tell them they are beautiful and perfect the way they are. You have to show them the world is so incredibly wrong! 

One thought on “If you can’t say something nice…

  1. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through today love I’ve had doctors throw diagnoses at me without running tests and it’s so frustrating not to be listened to and even harder when it comes to kiddos. I am not a mommy but I have a little angel in my life who was born with a heart condition and I have watched him grow become stronger, walk, talk write read and push himself despite what others said around him. I’ve been in your shoes and it’s so shitty that this is our world but you’re right we have to teach them better and we have to build that aromour so no one can tear them down from how they were meant to feel and what they were meant to do. Aside from that you are an amazing mommy and no one gets to make you feel otherwise. 💖

    Liked by 1 person

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